by Ryan Mercier
Set, hut! That’s football speak for a nice, quick snippet on every team in the NFL. Sound on.
Arizona Cardinals
The clear No. 1 candidate for worst team in the NFL.
Atlanta Falcons
A lot to like with defensive pieces added and a good running game, but a total question mark in QB Desmond Ridder.
Baltimore Ravens
Just a lottttt of talk about the new offensive coordinator, Todd Monken, fixing everything in Baltimore. We’ll see.
Buffalo Bills
A nice track record. Spinning positive for once.
Carolina Panthers
Says it all. A ton of potential issues but the NFC South looks bleak.
Chicago Bears
Yeah, this was mean. But don’t worry Bears fans I am literally picking Chicago to make the Super Bowl this year (against the Jaguars).
Cincinnati Bengals
For real, how do you Cincinnatans (Cincinnatians?) want us to say this?! “Bingles” is a real thing out there.
Cleveland Browns
Always good to take a dig at Deshaun Watson. This is just how it is for now, Browns fans.
Dallas Cowboys
It’s true. The other two on this sad list are the Washington Commanders and Detroit Lions.
Denver Broncos
The best part is Sean Payton might actually do this. His comments on Nathaniel Hackett’s job in Denver were wild.
Detroit Lions
The Lions are already mocking my sarcasm here with their opening night win over the Chiefs, but it’s a long season!
Green Bay Packers
Get it? Because the last name of the new starting quarterback for the Packers is Love.
Houston Texans
While Washington gives them a run for their money, “Texans” is still the worst team name in pro sports.
Indianapolis Colts
Jim Irsay’s comments and handling of the entire Jonathan Taylor situation could all be thrown out and this would still be true.
Jacksonville Jaguars
Nothing but having fun with the names of some key contributors on offense. And, as mentioned earlier, they are my AFC pick to make the Super Bowl.
Kansas City Chiefs
Given the Chiefs’ dominance over the NFL since Patrick Mahomes arrived, it’s tough to find something interesting to say about them in mere seconds. So I didn’t.
Las Vegas Raiders
Did not spin positive here.
Los Angeles Chargers
Despite the joke, not having a home field advantage is a real issue.
Los Angeles Rams
Just remember the good times.
Miami Dolphins
They could be a great team this year. Tua’s health is simply a serious concern. Fit for a joking movie trailer!
Minnesota Vikings
Honestly believe this sums up most people’s feelings on the Vikings. They might be good, they might be bad, and it’s hard to care either way.
New England Patriots
No explanation needed, unless you’ve never heard a Bill Belichick press conference.
New Orleans Saints
This duo lost four games to open the 2014 season for the Oakland Raiders. Yes, Carr was a rookie, but it doesn’t exactly feel like a great combo.
New York Giants
Poetry.
New York Jets
An obvious reference to Aaron Rodgers’ off the field activities (used as the opening interjection). Plus, this team looks great on paper.
Philadelphia Eagles
Fly, Eagles Fly is the official Philadelphia Eagles fight song. I think they should just sing my version now.
Pittsburgh Steelers
This is just fun, and difficult, to say three times fast. Plus Kenny Pickett to George Pickens could be a nice connection this season.
San Francisco 49ers
Not an insult, but a tremendous compliment to Kyle Shanahan for how competitive the 49ers are no matter who plays quarterback.
Seattle Seahawks
What an incredible journey for Geno Smith.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
A sad state of affairs for the Bucs with Tom Brady retiring.
Tennessee Titans
Just running it back, huh? Surprising to see Derrick Henry and Ryan Tannehill return with no significant changes. They drafted a QB in the 2nd round. This feels like denial.
Washington Commanders
Having some fun with an incredibly silly name.
All 32 teams are in this Twitter thread here as well. It’s only called Twitter, not that other name.
Struggling Actor Sports 